 “L’chaim, l’chaim,” says Shmuli as he drinks his third l’chaim of the Shabbos morning kiddush.
By: Binyamin Klempner, MSW
Wednesday, March 7, 2007 at the Jewish Press
After another l’chaim and one more healthy serving of cholent and kishka, Shmuli goes to another kiddush made by his friend Ephraim, given in honor of Ephraim’s newborn baby girl. At Ephraim’s kiddush, Shmuli has two more l’chaims. By this time, the alcohol helps Shmuli feel relaxed and his usual inhibitions and general feelings of inadequacy are now replaced by confidence and assertiveness. Shmuli and his friends speak to each other in loud voices. Shmuli’s 11-year-old daughter, who has accompanied her father to the kiddush, seems frightened and uneasy by the disorderliness of the men around her. The atmosphere in the shul, filled with tefillah less than an hour earlier, has turned into a rowdy atmosphere of liquor drinking and cholent eating. Shmuli and his daughter then go home for the family seudah. When Shmuli arrives home, his wife, who has been waiting for her husband to come home and make kiddush for the past hour, is out of patience, and says in an irritated voice, “Nu, are you going to make kiddush for your family or just for yourself?” Without answering his wife, Shmuli picks up the becher from the dish rack, fills it with Merlot, makes kiddush, drinks the contents from the becher, and then refills it for the other members of his household. Shmuli sings a few zemiros; the conversation around the Shabbos table is sparse. Between the fish and the cholent, Shmuli has another glass of Merlot to help the cholent go down easier. At this point in the seudah, with the exception of somebody asking for the cholent, both the zemiros and the conversation are over. Shmuli bentches and leaves the table to lie down for a Shabbos afternoon nap without saying a word. Needless to say, Shmuli’s family, although accustomed to this weekly state of affairs, feels let down and hurt by their father. What has just been described is a typical Shabbos for the “Shabbos Alcoholic,” also known as a “binge drinker.” A man who has five or more drinks in succession or a woman who has four or more drinks in succession is considered to be a binge drinker. It is entirely possible that during the rest of the week Shmuli is a mensch. We could easily picture Shmuli working hard all week to support his family, as well as being marbeh sedrah and koveia ittim b’Torah. While involved with the many distractions of the workweek, it is easy for the “Shabbos Alcoholic” to disregard feelings of insecurity and low self-worth. But on Shabbos these feelings come back full force, and the “Shabbos Alcoholic” anesthetizes these upsetting feelings by drinking alcohol. However, it is important to remember that alcoholism is a progressive disease affecting men, women and adolescents, and that like any progressive disease, it does not get better unless it is treated. According to Alcoholics Anonymous, you may be an alcoholic if you “repeatedly drink more than you intend or want to, or if you get into trouble,” as Shmuli did with his family. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism reported that approximately 7.9 million Americans are regularly abusing alcohol (2002). And the 2002 National Survey on Drug Use and Health reported that an estimated 54 million Americans binge drink at least once in 30 days. Unfortunately, the problem is just as prevalent in the frum community. One thing all addictions and addictive behaviors have in common is that they are rooted in feelings of insecurity and low self-worth. There is help. Therapists who have experience in dealing with the disease of addiction and are familiar with the recovery process are able to help people struggling with addiction reclaim their dignity. Binyamin Klempner, MSW is a therapist at Interborough’s Crown Heights Center and can be reached at 718-778-0485. No one has commented on this article. |
